The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Rewriting the Narrative of Negative Core Beliefs

Have you ever noticed the quiet voice in the back of your mind saying things like “I’m not good enough,” “No one really cares about me,” or “Why even try?” These thoughts may appear as fleeting moments of self-doubt, but for many people, they’re part of a much deeper internal pattern—what we call negative core beliefs. These aren’t just random thoughts. They are foundational beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world that often develop early in life and shape how we interpret nearly everything that happens to us.

Negative core beliefs can form for many reasons. Sometimes they grow out of singular, traumatic events—a moment when something painful or frightening happened and your brain had to make sense of it. Other times, they evolve slowly over time, the result of repeated messages from caregivers, teachers, peers, or society. A child who grows up feeling unseen may adopt the belief “I am invisible.” A person who is constantly criticized may come to believe “I can’t do anything right.” Once internalized, these beliefs operate like filters, coloring how we experience the world and how we respond to it.

These beliefs usually fall into categories like safety, trust, control, responsibility, or worth. Common examples include:

• I’m not good enough

• I don’t matter

• I am unlovable

• I’m a failure

• I can’t trust anyone

• I should have done more

• I’m weak

• I’m not safe

What makes these beliefs especially powerful is that they often go unquestioned. They feel like truth because they’ve been repeated internally for so long. As a result, they affect our behavior, our relationships, and our ability to thrive. If I believe I’m a burden, I may isolate myself when I’m struggling instead of asking for help. If I believe I’m destined to fail, I may not even apply for that job or take the next step in a relationship. These thoughts become self-fulfilling—not because they’re true, but because we live as though they are.

But here’s something important:You didn’t choose these beliefs, and they don’t have to define you.

Often, we adopt these beliefs as a way to cope or protect ourselves. If love felt conditional growing up, the belief “I’m unlovable” might have helped you make sense of why affection was inconsistent. If expressing yourself resulted in punishment or rejection, you might have developed the belief “It’s not safe to be myself.” These beliefs once served a purpose. But now, they may be holding you back from fully engaging with your life and relationships.

Changing core beliefs isn’t about pretending everything is fine or forcing yourself to “think positively.” It’s about getting curious about where these beliefs came from, how they’ve shaped your behavior, and whether they’re still serving you.

This is where trauma-informed therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) come in. EMDR helps individuals safely revisit past memories and reprocess them so they no longer hold the same emotional charge. IFS encourages exploration of the different “parts” of ourselves—the protective parts, the wounded parts, the parts that carry our pain—and helps create space for healing and internal harmony. When used together, these approaches are incredibly powerful in identifying and shifting negative beliefs into more adaptive, life-affirming truths.

So what might a new belief look like?

• Instead of “I’m not good enough,” you begin to believe “I am capable and worthy.”

• Instead of “I can’t trust anyone,” you shift toward “I can learn to trust the right people.”

• Instead of “I’m a failure,” you begin to see “I’ve struggled, but I am growing and learning.”

And that shift doesn’t just happen in your thoughts—it changes your behavior. You might take risks you never would’ve taken before. You might speak up instead of staying silent. You might pursue connection instead of hiding away. The way you show up in the world starts to transform, because the internal story guiding your life has changed.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in cycles of self-doubt, defensiveness, people-pleasing, or avoidance, consider what beliefs might be driving those patterns.

Ask yourself:

• What is the story I keep telling myself?

• Who taught me that story?

• Is it actually true?

• What would change in my life if I believed something different?

You are not broken. You are not beyond help. And the stories you’ve carried for years can be rewritten.

If you’re ready to explore those inner narratives, know that you don’t have to do it alone. A safe, supportive therapeutic space can help you uncover those deep beliefs, reprocess the pain behind them, and begin to build a new story—one grounded in truth, resilience, and self-compassion.

Because you are good enough. You are worthy of love. And it’s never too late to believe something new.