The Labor We Don’t Talk About: Grief, Trauma & Healing

As Labor Day comes to a close, many of us are preparing to return to work, school, routines, appointments, and everything else that waits for us after a long weekend.

Labor Day is traditionally a day set aside to recognize work and the people who do it. But as this holiday winds down, it’s worth remembering that not all work happens at a job.

Grief is work.

Healing from trauma is work.

Holding yourself together through a difficult season is work.

Getting out of bed when your heart is heavy is work. Showing up for your family when you're emotionally exhausted is work. Learning how to live after losing someone you love is work. Trying to feel safe again after experiencing trauma is work.

Sometimes, simply making it through the day requires more emotional labor than anyone around you realizes.

Your Body Has Been Working, Too

Grief and trauma don't exist only in our thoughts.

Our bodies carry them, too.

When we've experienced loss, prolonged stress, or trauma, our nervous systems can expend tremendous amounts of energy trying to protect us. That can look like exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, irritability, trouble sleeping, feeling constantly on edge, or sometimes feeling completely numb.

And too often, we add another burden on top of everything we're already carrying:

We criticize ourselves for not doing more.

Why am I still so tired?

Why can't I concentrate like I used to?

Why am I not over this yet?

Why can't I be as productive as I was before?

But healing was never supposed to be a productivity contest.

There isn't a deadline for grief, and recovery from trauma doesn't happen according to someone else's calendar.

Maybe Labor Day Wasn't Restful for You

For some people, today meant a cookout, a day at the pool, time with family, or simply sleeping in.

For others, it wasn't much of a holiday at all.

Maybe you worked today. Maybe you spent the day taking care of children or family members. Maybe your mind never stopped long enough for your body to truly rest.

Or maybe today was difficult because someone was missing.

Holidays and long weekends can have a way of highlighting absence. The empty chair feels a little more noticeable. Traditions don't feel quite the same. Seeing other families together can stir up emotions we weren't expecting.

And sometimes having a little more quiet time simply gives grief more room to speak.

If that was your experience today, you weren't required to make Labor Day feel like a celebration.

There was room for gratitude and grief.

There was room for sadness and laughter.

There was room to remember someone you love while continuing to live your own life.

As You Head Into Tomorrow

Maybe Labor Day didn't give you all the rest you needed.

That's okay.

Rest doesn't have to end simply because the holiday did.

As the routines of life begin again tomorrow, consider what you might be able to put down.

Maybe you can't put down your grief.

Maybe you can't change what happened.

Maybe the circumstances causing stress in your life will still be waiting for you in the morning.

But you can begin putting down the expectation that you should be handling everything perfectly.

You can put down some of the guilt about needing rest.

You can challenge the idea that your worth is measured by your productivity.

And you can put down the imaginary timeline for when you think you should feel better.

Healing takes energy.

Grieving takes energy.

Surviving difficult things takes energy.

Labor Day may be coming to an end, but its reminder doesn't have to:

Emotional labor is still labor. And you are allowed to rest while you're healing.